they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
