i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
