K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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