My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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