im six kinds of drunk right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
