so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
