She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
