a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
