Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
