She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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