My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
