Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
