I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
