Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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