Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
