so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize