Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
