i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
