1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize