how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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