Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
