im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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