Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
