I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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