What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
