I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
