y did u give ur computer a hand job?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
