I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
