So drunk its hurt
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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