textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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