Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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