Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
