he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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