You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
