the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize