Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
