My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
