I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
