it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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