It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize