"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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