You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
