Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
