I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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