Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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