Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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