Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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