goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
