well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
