Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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