the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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