I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
