hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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