Redeem this text for a blowjob
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
wow bdsm is so cute
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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