I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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