Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
