dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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