we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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