if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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