i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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