if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize