So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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