i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
