I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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