So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
