Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
