My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
