He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
