Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
