I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
