I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
