When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk is not a location!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
