Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
