The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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