I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
