I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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