I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
