Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
