Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
