I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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