turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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