All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
