Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
