Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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