Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
