I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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